Note to self...

Never get pretend married online to a girl just because she said you were cute and gave you a pretend lap dance. She'll just end up getting a pretend divorce the next day and running off with someone way less "smexy"........


In other news HEATH LEDGER DIED TODAY!!!!...... honestly....... I DID NOT see that coming.



Thought of the Day: OH NO!!! what will happen to BATMAN!!! NOOOOOOO!

Because It Seemed Important...

... Well sorta... actually not really.

Anyway....

I just thought I would let everyone know that, after spending the entire 16 years of my still young life without ever once making a new years resolution, or at least not one I really meant, I finally have.

Though I don't feel like I should tell you what it is, seeing as how its pretty personal, I'm just going to say... its juicy, real juicy... in a very... sad... sad way.

And on that note (but so far off for all who don't know who... err... what I'm talking about. I.E. everyone), *ahem* Please... leave my brain alone, your pink fuzzy heart shaped ninja sword of doom's constant fantasy love slashes at my imagination is causing me to lose focus on things real....

and now... I retire.... Insane.....
HAHAHHAAHAH....ahhhhh


Thought of the Day: last night, believe it or not, I had a dream that I was a midget, and I fell in love with a girl that was half girl half fairy, but she was also sweedish, in her late 40's, and weighed about 115 to 170 pounds (it changed randomly), I later found out that she was a criminal known for taking advantage of midgets and making them fall in love with her, most surprisingly female midgets, ranging from what I could tell about 16 to 25 years old. The funny thing was they were all surprisingly hot for midgets... and naked, they were all naked too, hot naked teen-age midgets... *cough*... anyway, I ended up pretending to like her after I found out about her dirty little secret, but then called the wall-mart security on her, and had her sent away. I think the reason I was the only one out of her midget following to find out about her evil-ness was because I was part leprechaun, just like she was half fairy.... weird huh.........

A New Year

Before you ask the question your going to ask I'm going to answer that question, before you ask it. No, I am not going to post about my Christmas or my New Year's party because frankly thats not any of your business. Also, I have always thought it's rather pointless telling people about all the fun you've had, I think it just bugs people. Instead, I am going to make a list. A list of ESSENTIALS, for next years Christmas party\ New Years party.

Item Number 1. Mop. A mop will come in very handy if you have small children around who like to make messes.

No. 2. Bucket. At most party's there are plenty of guests, and plenty of guests means plenty of cars. Don't you think it would be great to have a bucket that everyone could put their keys into. That way no one would have to wast time looking for their keys, they'll know just where they are

No. 3. Padding around the Toilet. If you're anything like me you know just how painful it can be sitting on a toilet without foot padding, if you have anything from a stubbed little tow to a nasty bunion its a must. Also the guests will love it, and want to come back for future party's.

No. 4. Laundry Soap. Nothing stains that red and green sweater like Eggnog, and theres no greater annoyance then not being able to wash it out right away. So make sure you have plenty on hand.

No. 5. Low Beds. My motto has always been safety first, and if there is one thing bunk beds aren't, its safe. Make sure that if someone falls asleep at the party from all the filing food (sometimes thats all it takes) put him on one of the low beds, so that he won't accidentally roll off and hurt his jaw and have to walk around for the next three days thinking to himself "why the hell does my jaw hurt so bad?"

And last but not least, the most essential thing in any party is a healthy supply of tomato juice, theres nothing better to start the new year off with a big heaping plate of blueberry pancakes and a nice big glass of tomato juice, yum.

Oh and is it to much to ask for a car with decent shocks? I almost hurled twice in that fricken' thing.


Thought of the Day: I put the "meister" back in Jagermeister... as in, "oh that class clown is such a.... cool meister".... or, or, "Pimp Meister"............. Yeah.

Me Vs. You

In the mood of stupidity I think that today I am going to show everyone just how drastically differently I think then most people.

We'll start with some random small things

Inanimate objects- One thing about me that is very different then most normal people is my view of inanimate objects. Where one person would see leaf, falling gently from a tree hight above, I see a "Wind Ninja" fluttering down silently, passing and flipping through the air, ready to strike his mortal enemy, the grass, with vicious fury. Now you may be thinking "oh well I guess that makes the leafs the bad guys right, because the grass is so soft and nice and pretty. Well see, thats how I'm so different, Instead of seeing a green utopia in an open field I see the product of millions of dead leafs, cut up and mulched by the grass, for food. You may not think that a little wind ninja could do much against the sheer numbers of their pleasantly colored foes, but thats what makes them so extraordinary. A leaf will lay on a blade of grass for hours, days, even weeks, it will stay as long as it has to to make sure that whatever is below it wont live to see spring, I.E. wither and die. Anyway, it hasn't looked very good for the leafs as long as Ive been alive, but hopefully with the support of more people we can let the graceful wind ninjas sore the skies again like they did before the grass came about.

Contact me in comments if you'd like to make a donation.

Video Games- See, most people wonder why I "waste" most of my days playing video games all day. They look at it and see a time waster in a box with pretty pictures, but what I see is so much different. I see subjects of my will, pixels that will follow my commands with a mere thought and twitch of thumb. The video games do what I want, they provide me with the pleasure that only a select few dictators could have ever felt, and in return I give them a place to live, I keep then in better condition then any other person alive could, I make sure that their booklets have all their pages, without even a bend or tear. It is a truly symbiotic relationship, but most people cant see that, they simply call me addicted. Well you know what, I'm not afraid to say that yes, I am addicted to my little friends, and I'm not ashamed of it, because I know that their more then just games... they're an oppressed creation, looked down on as being a "time waster", and I am just a person who cares and who wants to give them a good home.
If you'd like you could contact me in comments and leave a donation, with just a couple of dollars from everyone I could give a hundred video games a new home, where they would be loved and cared for.

Anyway, theres a LOT more I could go on about but looking at the last post I don't really want to make this post super long, so I'll stop here. Until then I just what to say that I hope I sent a good message to everyone about the leafs and the video games of this country, and how they are being oppressed and abused. So next time you go to buy an ice cream or a little orphan boy, just think, is there something better I could be doing with this money.

Call me if you make the right choice


Thought of the Day: I think it would be fun to tie a weight to a duck and throw it off a bridge, that way, you can yell out "Duck" and everyone can have a good laugh.

I Call My Alter Ego HULK!!! (Mondo Long Post)

*warning* The content of this post is meant to be taken as a joke, ALL OF IT, even the part where I, looking like the devil, shoots a low profile actor, GOT IT!!!

...Readers!!! Crisis!!! Listen!!!
It has come to my attention recently... well actually it came to my attention a few months ago, but I didn't want to admit it until just now.... *Ahem* It has come to my attention that I, yes I, the great, lovable, kind, and NOT EMO (no matter how much I look it or may sound like it at times) Class Clown has issues, and not just any kind of issues. I.... have anger issues... (pause for effect)
I fully realized it just yesterday while doing my school. I had just finished algebra and was almost done with my geometry. Now so far I have actually enjoyed geometry, it was all pretty simple, plus it made me sound smart saying things like "if any two parallel lines are separated by a transversal then their opposite interior angles are congruent", yeah, its all pretty swell. Anyway, I was on the last three problems when something came up, a hard problem, one that I couldn't figure out. panicking I looked into the answer key in a desperate act to figure out the reason I needed to do what I needed to do (you see, I can't do anything in life if I don't know why I'm doing it, its a curse and a blessing). Anyway I must of looked through the answer key ten times before I realized that... there was no reason, no why, no pattern, no order... no hope. It was as if someone had told me the universe didn't exist and that we were all made of Kraft cheese... and all of a sudden... I snapped. I started to see myself as a dragon, smoke was bellowing from my nostrils with every angry *puff* I would make. I looked at my hand that was violently clenching my pencil and saw my fingers begin to squeeze, tighter and tighter. The veins on my hand began to grow and pulsate with hundreds of millions of angry blood cells yelling all at once in a squeaky typical red blood cell voice
"Victory, Victory, we shall rule you".
I lifted my arm high, ready to smash it against the table in fury when I thought
"no... thats just what they'll be expecting me to do".
I closed my eyes tight and tried to think of anything other then geometry and angry little blood cells, when I heard a voice, a still small voice... it couldn't be.
"No..... NO" I thought
"it can't be, IT CAN'T BE YOU!!!",
music was coming from all over, terrible music, I knew that music
"STAY OUT OF MY HEAD PHIL COLLINS" I shouted "AND TAKE YOU DAMN TARZAN SOUND TRACK WITH YOU!!!"
it was no use, the music only got louder.
"I wanna know, can you show me" echoed through me ears, and then out my mouth, "no, it can't be, I can't be singing". I tried desperately to shut down my mind but by that time there were to many things running through it, and way to fast. It sounded something like this I imagine.

"Something familiar about these 4 + 5 = strangers like fish, tell me bear, please blue red, 5.25 does not 1 5 out of the dish soap maker taker ball breaker ooh eee ooh ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang"

It was as if every stupid annoying thought that had ever entered anyones mind had just came flooding into mine, but then all at once... it stopped. There was finally silence. I peeked open one eye, then the other and began to look around, I was standing in a hallway about 10 feet from where I was sitting before,
"how did I get here" I muttered to myself.
"You walked" came a voice from behind me.
I quickly turned around to see... A mirror? but it wasn't me in it, how could that be. Instead all I saw was a ninja, a ninja wearing a blue dragon mask.
"don't you remember, you walked here muttering something about strangers"
I looked into the holes of the mask, I looked into the ninjas eyes, those weren't my eyes.
"Who are you?" I asked
"what are you talking about?" said the voice "I'm you"
he put his hand on the mask and lifted it off and away from his face.
"no.....NOOOOO" I cried... It was........it was.......

HIM!

My hands clenched into fists as I stared at his hideous face. It was as if all my worst nightmares were realized.
"No, You're not me" I said in disgust, turning away.
"You're right, I'm not, I'm better... see for your self, HEY BABE!, COME HERE" he shouted "I want you to meet my friend"
I turned to look into the mirror, and to my dismay saw non other then the young and beautiful Jessica Alba come strutting along on command.
"My eyes filled with rage as I watched him grab her in places a man that creepy shouldn't grab.
"NOOOOOO" I cried even more enraged then before.
I raised my clenched fist, my eyes gleaming with resolve, and violently pounded the mirror into pieces. I hit it so hard in fact that I put a hole in the wall behind it, but I wasn't finished yet, I raised my fists and pounded them hard on every little shard of glass.
With every stroke that fell the pieces became smaller and smaller, and with every stroke that fell my hands began to bleed more and more.
"NO, not oxygen" cried the little blood cells as they splattered on the tiny fragments of glass,
"How did he knooooooooow"

It was all over, Kevin was dead.
I walked into the living room, it was so dark,
"I must of destroyed a fuse when I punched through the wall" I thought, when all of a sudden I heard a shrill laugh come from behind me. I turned to see no one, then another laugh, again from behind me. I turned as quick as I could but again saw no one. A loud whistling began to sound through the small trailer, I could hear laughter all around me but there was no one there. The whistling grew louder until the whole trailer began to shake, until finally the glass of the windows broke and wind more powerful then I had ever felt came surging through. The Christmas stockings were lifted from off the mantle of the fake fireplace and violently thrown out the windows. The silverware drawer slid open and all the forks, knives, and spoons began to dance in the wind around me in a full circle, around and around and around. This was no ordinary wind, it was supernatural. I keeled down covering my head with my hands. It was like I was in a horror movie and I was the poor sap who died in the end, ruining an already #&%tty movie. I could hear the music from jack in the boxes all around me, repeating, repeating, "don dondon donda dal de da don dondon don da... da". Over and over, it wouldn't stop nothing would stop, when finally I lifted my head and cried out.


"ENOUGH!!!"


.........Everything went quiet.......... the wind went dead.... not a sound for miles. I slowly opened my eyes, a slight feeling of deja vu came over me just before I felt a cold feeling wrap around my neck, and a whisper in my ear.
"you can not hide, what’s inside",
"Your right...... KEVIN! I can't"
I stood up tall, I could feel the anger taking over, coursing through my veins and out my nostrils just like it did when this whole thing started, only this time, I was holding nothing back. the breath from my nostrils turned into smoke, and then fire. I began to grow, taller, taller, 10 feet, 12 feet, 15 feet, until I broke right through the roof. my eyes burned red with fire, my arms and back sprouted dagger like spikes. All my video games and school books (being the cause of most of my anger) ran for their lives, knowing what I would do to them in my fully transformed "rage stage".
"I'm not afraid of you" said Kevin "I'm still the better man"
"but I'm the bigger man" I said in a deep bellowing voice "besides, I know your only weakness"
I reached into my pocket and pulled it out, it was a gun. I pulled back on the trigger sending a bulled straight through the heart.
"NOOOO" he cried "Bullets.... how did you know... I... Ahhh"
"Then it is over" I said. No sooner after I said those words did everything go black, and if you've been keeping track of the "Blackness 'O' meter" you would know that that’s pretty damn black. I began to lose feeling, and before I knew it, I was gone.

When I came about, a few minutes later I was lying on the living room floor stark naked.
"Was it just a dream?" I thought. I sat there for a bit and the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn't want to know. I put my clothes back on and sat down on the chair where I was originally doing my geometry. I looked down at the book to see scribbles all over the pages.
"what the hell?" I thought.
I looked back up and saw knives, forks, even spoons, scattered and stabbed in the walls.
"woah" I thought "I must of really lost it".
I flipped my pencil around, surprised that it was still in one piece and began to erase the scribbles on my book.
"I had better finish my geometry, after all, geometry is the way of the future ..................................................................the way of the future......................................... the way of the future ............................................................................................................................ the way of the future................................................... the way of the future............................ the way of the future....................................... the way of the future............. the way of the future.............. the way of the future.................................... DON DON DONNNNNNN......


-To be Continued (not)-


*editors note* 87% of the occurrences in this post never actually happened, however, the 13% that did happen was pretty &$^#ed up.




Thought up the Day: Panda bears are a lot like regular bears, except they're whiter and can speak Chinese.

Home of the Brave

Do I really need to say anything?...

Thought of the Day: Every time I go to make a post I can never think of a frickin' thought of the day..................................... ZING!

"The Air Near My Fingers" (Is Making it Hard to Type)

I wrote something kind of long, but then erased it... I didn't like it... this little bit is all you get

if you want more, look up the White Stripes on AZlyrics, then look for the title of the post (the part in quotations), says a bit about me it does.


thats all.



Thought of the Day: Ever notice how the people in Selsun Blue commercials look alot like Ninjas.