I CAN TAKE IT NO LONGER... I MUST TELL SOMEONE... I... HATE... ARIZONA. Every second I spend in this desolate wasteland eats away at me. I cant stand Flea markets or peddling our stupid product at them. And most of all I HATE not having any say in what the hell happens to my life. Over the last few months I have grown more and more annoyed at what has happened, being the optimist that I am I tried to think of the positive, but over time the simple annoyance turned to depression, depression turned into anger, and anger turned into loathsome of this... this hell I am forced to go through every day. Now some off you may say "what the H*ll is he bi**hing about he just went to las vegas for 2 weeks" well that may be one of the ONLY things that merely kept me sane, that at logging over 100!! Hours on a chrismas present my brother gave me.
Try to think of it from my point of view for a second, driving all across the desert (not on a rainy day mind you witch is even more depressing out here) doing nothing but listening to music and realizing that I have less real friends then I do FINGERS. Right this moment I feel like running out into the street at screaming out the longest stream of profanities that this world has ever seen. Or offering a complete stranger to live my life for a week just so I can see they're face and hear them say that not even Satin would give this cruel fate to someone. Granted I do have some friends "But" hey I can never get on line and the time here is getting screwed up every time we go down the road meaning I can't call, we're to poor to call when its not free, we're to poor to do anything that's not free, for instance, EVERYTHING we did in las vegas pretty much we got from timesharing... Its sad I know to spend your vacation going to about maybe 30 hours of timeshares. The one encouraging thought out here is that in about 1 year we "MAY" be going back to Texas, or we could go cursing around the country in our P.O.S. RV in witch case I will be forced to join the military so I can get the hell away from here.
No one will ever know how depressing and desolate it is out here till you come out here. Things you take for granted you come to miss extremely like, clouds, grass... I wish I could just dive into fresh cut grass and kiss the ground and thank god that I survived Arizona. I was thinking a about something a few days ago, I was thinking that I wasn't afraid of anything really. I was afraid of the dark once upon a time, until I locked myself in a dark room for 3 hours, I was scared of snakes until I started watching the animal planet, but now I realize there is something I am PETRIFIED of.. Spending the rest of my life here... In Arizona... Growing old and eventually dieing... With nothing... nothing but $#!tty fleamarkets, and the crappy RV I was harshly forced to call home. Excuse the cursing but I am offically PISSED OFF so much so I was considering joining the circus as a viable option so I can get away (I can already do the judgleing, I got it on tape). Anyway Im' going to go find a way to dupe, trick, cheat, or even con my parents into going back to Huston.
Thought of the day: I know the name of 80% of the EU characters in starwars and I know the line up for Sci fi Friday... If you call that a "Real" life I don't know what is, ask "Blog god" he can relate, he's just lucky he jumped ship before he got stuck in hell.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Letting loose my toung
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Tex
10 comments:
Boy, I bet that felt good to say.
Promise me you'll never join the military...there are better options.
Ha, well sorry if i offended anyone but i beleieve a blog is a place to speak your mind, not censer it, but yeah that has been annoying me for a long time now.
Hey there lil' buddy. Sounds like you have it rough. But let me tell you this. It can ALWAYS get worse. So before you start complaining about what you don't have, and how you don't have it. Start thanking the Lord about the things that you DO have. Even though they may seem like "hell" as you put it. For example: you live in a "crappy" RV, as you put it, but how would you feel if you didn't have it? If you had to live on the streets like some of the bums. (that I'm pretty sure you saw while you were in Vegas) Be thankful that you have parents that love you and really care a lot about you and only wish they could give you better. They go to the flea markets not cause it's something they enjoy doing, but because they want to make it as easy for you as possible. And you said that your "POOR" well, you haven't seen poor, trust me. You live in luxury compared to some people. Your parents have to do the flea markets and travel through "crap hole" arizona so that they CAN manage to get what little money they can. If you think you have it bad, think of THEM, think of all THEY have going through THEIR minds. You have so much taken for granted, for example the food you eat. You don't have to worry about it being there, you know it'll be there. And if it's not, you know you can go out and get something. Whereas your parents always have on their mind, where they are going to get the money from to PAY for all the things that they have to pay for AND keep you guys happy and fed. So while you think you have it bad, and compared to some people you do, but compared to others you are living "the life", put yourself in someone elses shoes. Your parents for one. Put yourself in some bums shoes. Or some starving somalian kid in africa. I don't mean to sound mean or anything, as I know what your going through, I had the same thing sorta for a while. But as you grow up, you start to realize that there is soooo much more to life and it's a lot harder for others (your parents for example) then it is for you. Trust me, what they have going through their minds is about 100 times worse for them. I'm sure they would love to go out into the streets and scream! They probably have, but for your sakes, they keep a smile on their faces and try their best to make it as easy as possible for you. Even though deep down inside they are struggling. My parents had the same thing at one point in time. And I felt absoulutly terrible about it, but you just have to thank the lord that you don't have it nearly as bad as some others. You do have a bed to sleep on, a roof over your head, you have fun (timeshares, even if you did have to spend "30 hours" to get that fun..ha, parents that love you and will do anything for you. But it's not really all that bad if you actually get down and think about. Again I'm not trying to harp on you, or be mean, I'm trying to help you to make the most of what you DO have and be thankful for all that you DO have that others don't. Sorry this is so long, but I just want you to see the GOOD that you do have. Be thankful, and when the time comes that it does get better, and it will as long as you trust the lord, everything will work out fine. Things will get better. Well, I guess I should stop talking now, but remember, BE THANKFUL! Whenever you feel tempted to scream and complain, turn that thought into a PRAISE! And think of all that you do have. Ok, enough talking..heh. be good, loving you bro.
-Rick
Wow Rick, why don't you ever give ME one of those pep talks.
There are better options than the military...like joining a sex cult, for example. Hahah.
Anyway, don't fret Ben. As long as you stay yourself, you won't ever have a problem having friends, because cool simply means being completely secure in who you are and being a nice, friendly person. Trust me, you won't have a problem fitting in.
As far as the boonies go, we've all been there and done that, although Arizona probably is the worst of all. But you were always a dreamer, just like I was, and as long as you can dream, you'll make it. Long for something more, read often, take all that time that you have (which is something you'll long for in the future) and use it to better yourself in something. You don't realize how much of a blessing it is to have that much time. Use it to get better at the piano, like Jason used to do for hours. I know it's rough, but look at what I went through. What are the odds of two people living in boonie-ville just happening to beat all the worst odds in the world and somehow work your way through home censure, over-protective shepherds, and end up in a happy marriage, looking forward to a family together. Good things do happen, you just have to maintain your sanity and the best way to do that is to keep dreaming. Keep seeing something better, because there always will be. If life is as bad as it can be, it can only get better.
And also, Rick is right, don't make mom and dad feel bad. I understand your point of view, but mom and dad are just trying to take care of you guys in the best way they know how. You don't realize until you grow up and leave home just how many sacrifices your parents made for you. They probably go through a lot more than you do. Just try to understand them as well. Make sure you communicate how you feel with them, though, as that always helps.
Anyway, I think that's enough "Emerson info" for you. Hehe, take care and stay positive.
-Rosie
Sounds horrible Ben. Don't feel bad for posting it though. It's good to be able to vent somewhere, and it's completely understandable that a 14 year old guy in your situation would feel like you do. I did, and I don't think I was ever as isolated as you are. Glad to know the Christmas gift is coming in handy...Hang in there.
I've found times of dispare can lead to great creativity. Find a way to channel it. Hard times can't last forever. I'm sure you'll look back at it one day and be able to laugh. Besides, what's adolescence without angst?
Boy do I ever know how you feel. When ppl like THE EMERSONS move away from home, and have been away from home for so long, they forget what it's like. But I know how you feel, cuz it's still fresh in my memory.
One thing you shouldn't do tho is complain that we're "poor" cuz mom and dad are trying their hardest. That's something I know you realized, I know you were just venting. I would too probably.
I'm so glad I didn't have to go to Arizona. Look, what ppl tell you about using your time is true. Now before you jump on my case for saying this now, let me remind EVERYONE that I DON'T have a hobby. I still don't. I didn't have something I wanted to spend my time learning then, and I don't now.
You on the other hand have Keyboard. Learn it. Use it. You could be so good by the time you leave home.
For the record, I also know 80% of the EU characters, I know the lineup for Sci-Fi friday. Kevin think's i'm a major nerd. But being a nerd has nothing to do with making friends.
I became pretty well known in texas. And all on my own. I didn't have any reputation from ROSIE being here for an entire YEAR before me. Some sister huh? I had nothing to work with. :p
You've even said yourself "Jesse why do all of your friends know who I am?"
See it's a good thing. You won't have so much work to do. You'll have a "rep". And a good one. You'll have no problem with friends if you just expand your horizonz. And don't "Geek out" but don't live in nerd denial.
By the way, you could think of spending some time with Dave and Jamie.
by the way Ricky, since when are you NOT a synic?
Ok well, I understand what you guys are all saying but for the record i said it with the whole intention of blowing off some steam, also it was quite late at night. Now that i think of it it probally wasint the best thing to say (i mean comon ricky is starting to sound like my mom.... witch is his mother in law now... HA) and to answer a few questions i already sucked all the juice i can get out of that present ( probally about 150 hours all togeather) and i can already play a MEAN rendition of half of Fur Elise (dont know what it is, LOOK IT UP everyone should know beethoven). Reading... everyone says i should read but i find that reading is annoying when im not in the mood to read so i dont read often. Anyway the main reason i wrote it is probally because i hate open space, i have never liked them it it slowly gets to you, like a splinter working its way to your brain, i guess tahts y ppl go insane out here. And i know mom and dad are trying, but they dont read this blog anyway and they know all to well what its like for me.
I have the same problem with reading....well at least fiction.
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