I Call My Alter Ego HULK!!! (Mondo Long Post)

*warning* The content of this post is meant to be taken as a joke, ALL OF IT, even the part where I, looking like the devil, shoots a low profile actor, GOT IT!!!

...Readers!!! Crisis!!! Listen!!!
It has come to my attention recently... well actually it came to my attention a few months ago, but I didn't want to admit it until just now.... *Ahem* It has come to my attention that I, yes I, the great, lovable, kind, and NOT EMO (no matter how much I look it or may sound like it at times) Class Clown has issues, and not just any kind of issues. I.... have anger issues... (pause for effect)
I fully realized it just yesterday while doing my school. I had just finished algebra and was almost done with my geometry. Now so far I have actually enjoyed geometry, it was all pretty simple, plus it made me sound smart saying things like "if any two parallel lines are separated by a transversal then their opposite interior angles are congruent", yeah, its all pretty swell. Anyway, I was on the last three problems when something came up, a hard problem, one that I couldn't figure out. panicking I looked into the answer key in a desperate act to figure out the reason I needed to do what I needed to do (you see, I can't do anything in life if I don't know why I'm doing it, its a curse and a blessing). Anyway I must of looked through the answer key ten times before I realized that... there was no reason, no why, no pattern, no order... no hope. It was as if someone had told me the universe didn't exist and that we were all made of Kraft cheese... and all of a sudden... I snapped. I started to see myself as a dragon, smoke was bellowing from my nostrils with every angry *puff* I would make. I looked at my hand that was violently clenching my pencil and saw my fingers begin to squeeze, tighter and tighter. The veins on my hand began to grow and pulsate with hundreds of millions of angry blood cells yelling all at once in a squeaky typical red blood cell voice
"Victory, Victory, we shall rule you".
I lifted my arm high, ready to smash it against the table in fury when I thought
"no... thats just what they'll be expecting me to do".
I closed my eyes tight and tried to think of anything other then geometry and angry little blood cells, when I heard a voice, a still small voice... it couldn't be.
"No..... NO" I thought
"it can't be, IT CAN'T BE YOU!!!",
music was coming from all over, terrible music, I knew that music
"STAY OUT OF MY HEAD PHIL COLLINS" I shouted "AND TAKE YOU DAMN TARZAN SOUND TRACK WITH YOU!!!"
it was no use, the music only got louder.
"I wanna know, can you show me" echoed through me ears, and then out my mouth, "no, it can't be, I can't be singing". I tried desperately to shut down my mind but by that time there were to many things running through it, and way to fast. It sounded something like this I imagine.

"Something familiar about these 4 + 5 = strangers like fish, tell me bear, please blue red, 5.25 does not 1 5 out of the dish soap maker taker ball breaker ooh eee ooh ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang"

It was as if every stupid annoying thought that had ever entered anyones mind had just came flooding into mine, but then all at once... it stopped. There was finally silence. I peeked open one eye, then the other and began to look around, I was standing in a hallway about 10 feet from where I was sitting before,
"how did I get here" I muttered to myself.
"You walked" came a voice from behind me.
I quickly turned around to see... A mirror? but it wasn't me in it, how could that be. Instead all I saw was a ninja, a ninja wearing a blue dragon mask.
"don't you remember, you walked here muttering something about strangers"
I looked into the holes of the mask, I looked into the ninjas eyes, those weren't my eyes.
"Who are you?" I asked
"what are you talking about?" said the voice "I'm you"
he put his hand on the mask and lifted it off and away from his face.
"no.....NOOOOO" I cried... It was........it was.......

HIM!

My hands clenched into fists as I stared at his hideous face. It was as if all my worst nightmares were realized.
"No, You're not me" I said in disgust, turning away.
"You're right, I'm not, I'm better... see for your self, HEY BABE!, COME HERE" he shouted "I want you to meet my friend"
I turned to look into the mirror, and to my dismay saw non other then the young and beautiful Jessica Alba come strutting along on command.
"My eyes filled with rage as I watched him grab her in places a man that creepy shouldn't grab.
"NOOOOOO" I cried even more enraged then before.
I raised my clenched fist, my eyes gleaming with resolve, and violently pounded the mirror into pieces. I hit it so hard in fact that I put a hole in the wall behind it, but I wasn't finished yet, I raised my fists and pounded them hard on every little shard of glass.
With every stroke that fell the pieces became smaller and smaller, and with every stroke that fell my hands began to bleed more and more.
"NO, not oxygen" cried the little blood cells as they splattered on the tiny fragments of glass,
"How did he knooooooooow"

It was all over, Kevin was dead.
I walked into the living room, it was so dark,
"I must of destroyed a fuse when I punched through the wall" I thought, when all of a sudden I heard a shrill laugh come from behind me. I turned to see no one, then another laugh, again from behind me. I turned as quick as I could but again saw no one. A loud whistling began to sound through the small trailer, I could hear laughter all around me but there was no one there. The whistling grew louder until the whole trailer began to shake, until finally the glass of the windows broke and wind more powerful then I had ever felt came surging through. The Christmas stockings were lifted from off the mantle of the fake fireplace and violently thrown out the windows. The silverware drawer slid open and all the forks, knives, and spoons began to dance in the wind around me in a full circle, around and around and around. This was no ordinary wind, it was supernatural. I keeled down covering my head with my hands. It was like I was in a horror movie and I was the poor sap who died in the end, ruining an already #&%tty movie. I could hear the music from jack in the boxes all around me, repeating, repeating, "don dondon donda dal de da don dondon don da... da". Over and over, it wouldn't stop nothing would stop, when finally I lifted my head and cried out.


"ENOUGH!!!"


.........Everything went quiet.......... the wind went dead.... not a sound for miles. I slowly opened my eyes, a slight feeling of deja vu came over me just before I felt a cold feeling wrap around my neck, and a whisper in my ear.
"you can not hide, what’s inside",
"Your right...... KEVIN! I can't"
I stood up tall, I could feel the anger taking over, coursing through my veins and out my nostrils just like it did when this whole thing started, only this time, I was holding nothing back. the breath from my nostrils turned into smoke, and then fire. I began to grow, taller, taller, 10 feet, 12 feet, 15 feet, until I broke right through the roof. my eyes burned red with fire, my arms and back sprouted dagger like spikes. All my video games and school books (being the cause of most of my anger) ran for their lives, knowing what I would do to them in my fully transformed "rage stage".
"I'm not afraid of you" said Kevin "I'm still the better man"
"but I'm the bigger man" I said in a deep bellowing voice "besides, I know your only weakness"
I reached into my pocket and pulled it out, it was a gun. I pulled back on the trigger sending a bulled straight through the heart.
"NOOOO" he cried "Bullets.... how did you know... I... Ahhh"
"Then it is over" I said. No sooner after I said those words did everything go black, and if you've been keeping track of the "Blackness 'O' meter" you would know that that’s pretty damn black. I began to lose feeling, and before I knew it, I was gone.

When I came about, a few minutes later I was lying on the living room floor stark naked.
"Was it just a dream?" I thought. I sat there for a bit and the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn't want to know. I put my clothes back on and sat down on the chair where I was originally doing my geometry. I looked down at the book to see scribbles all over the pages.
"what the hell?" I thought.
I looked back up and saw knives, forks, even spoons, scattered and stabbed in the walls.
"woah" I thought "I must of really lost it".
I flipped my pencil around, surprised that it was still in one piece and began to erase the scribbles on my book.
"I had better finish my geometry, after all, geometry is the way of the future ..................................................................the way of the future......................................... the way of the future ............................................................................................................................ the way of the future................................................... the way of the future............................ the way of the future....................................... the way of the future............. the way of the future.............. the way of the future.................................... DON DON DONNNNNNN......


-To be Continued (not)-


*editors note* 87% of the occurrences in this post never actually happened, however, the 13% that did happen was pretty &$^#ed up.




Thought up the Day: Panda bears are a lot like regular bears, except they're whiter and can speak Chinese.