A Day in the Mind of Me

Today I think I'm gonna give you a little insight into my mind, by walking you through a day through my eyes.

Morning: I wake up at about 9'o'clock and lay in bed till about noon just thinking, thinking and writing awesome stories of action, adventure, spectaular scenery, and for the girls, enough romance to win an Oscar. When I finally reluctantly get out of bed my mind is still thinking of how to deepen the characters pasts or add new ones until I pour my bowl of cereal, I sit at my table thinking "humm I wonder, if I pretend this is some kind of sick government food it might taste better" and what do ya know it does. After that I usually walk around singing as loud as I can with out moving my vocal cords so I can breath in and sing at the same time, usual singing a song that I only know a few words to. After I'm done with all that good stuff I go take a shower where I usually go insane, you see the shower is basically my only private time so I don't waste a minute of it. If you would enter the shower as the invisible man you would probably see me singing, dancing, practicing different emotions, acting out various seens from my favorite "Mind books" or all of the above. When I come out of the shower I go to the mirror, apply hair gel if needed, and put on my ZapZyt acne cream in strategic locations to better vanquish evil Lord White head and his pawns the Irish red headed Zits. After I get all that done I put on all the other stuff, deodorant, Axe, Ect. then look in the mirror while boosting my self confidence with words like, my god your sexy, if there were two of me I would make a threesome with me myself and my mirror image UGHH yeah. On my way back to my trailer I see all the old people who inhabit these parks and I begin to think, "my god, whats gonna happen when I turn that age" I then begin to think of things to do before I reach the "golden age" such as "Maybe the end time will come and I will be killed, or maybe I can give my life for some defenseless baby when I am 47, that way I score some goodness points and I don't live to the "stick in the ass" age". All this though of old people gets me thinking, "I wonder, in heaven would say Betty White look old like we all remember her as, or would she look the way she wanted to, oh my god... What if she's hot in heaven, but that wouldn't be fair to everyone else because she wouldn't look like the way people remember her. What if I marry the Hot 24 year old version of Betty White, would Jack LaLane marry the 80 year old version, Eww I don't want to be related to him, wait... Can you even get married in heaven, cuz I mean an eternity with one person... But then what the hell ever happened to love?" at this point my mind begins to hurt so I stop thinking about the ununderstandible supernatural and try to fathom the natural supernatural. Things like hands, I sit and stare at my hands thinking "if my fingers were sailors, who would be the Capitan, well I guess It would be the thumb, but then the index finger does look pretty commanding, i guess... naw the pinky cant command anyone, at has to move the ring finger when it wants to go anywhere. I guess that... Yeah... On my right hand, my thumb would be the Capitan, my index finger would be the ambitious first mate, my middle finger would be the stowed away punk with green hair, my third finger would be the woman who goes on board that no one really likes but the first mate ends up falling in love with, and my pinky would be the cabin boy, and my left hand would be the barbarians with no rank or moral value who kill the cabin boy sending the first mate in a blind rage and killing all of them... I have four fingers now". Once I'm finished with all of that I usually get online, I look around as if I'm hiding something, then I begin to sing my password because it is just so much fun to sing "* * * dramatic pause * * *[x7]" you should try it some time. After I finish checking all the blogs and trying desperately to break my 8 comment average I look at my watch and realize that it is about 5:00 PM. I then pull a chair up right in front of the TV, examine all 18 of my video games then pull the chair back and think to myself "man I need some new games". I go into my 2 feet by 6 room and pull out my art book, once again look around to make sure no one is looking and pull out my "attempted serious" cartoon art portraits of the male characters in my story (there are only male drawings because whenever I draw a girl she always looks like the hulk), I stare at them and think to myself "man, I really wish I could write the story, maybe I should, (voice in my head speaking) you already tried that remember, you got through 1 and a half, 2 page chapters that sounded like Dr sues,
Me: oh yeah, well, I still wanna write something, maybe ill spoof a song,
Voice: no you don't, you want to take a shower,
ME: umm no I don't, I already took a shower today, I'm clean,
Voice: common Ben you know you want to take a shower
Me: no I don't alright,
Voice: come on, you know your gonna take one anyway, when have you not listened to me,
Me: plenty
Voice: Oh? Remember that time with the razor...
Me: alright alright, Jerk...
... That actually happened, the argument that is. After I finish arguing with the green haired girl inside my head I go into my room, turn on some music and get on the computer, at about midnight I start to want to go to bed, but of course, my sister has to be on last. I wait till about 3'o'clock until I finally say, "that's it I'm going to bed, turn the computer off", she then usually begins to whine that its "so early" I usually respond with a "ITS FRICKIN 3 AM" once the lights are out we usually have stupid conversation about nothing in particular such as
Amy: isn't it fun to be fat
Ben: not where your shadow where 42 pounds
Amy: not that fat but just... Chubby
Ben: (dumbfounded pause) what ever, I don't share your ensuthiasum of being comically obese
Amy: right... Well... Im going to bed
Ben:......................(whispering) this is the world we live in (shouting) WOAHOO AND THESE ARE THE HANDS WERE GIVEN OAHOO.
I then fall asleep thinking about all the nothing that transpired that day and I try to put an idea of it into my story some how. At night I dream sweet dreams of monkeys and peanut butter and jelly sandwitches which somehow didn't make it into this post, even though I think of them more then the average person.

Thought of the day: My older brother is a filthy lier, TWO CATS CANNOT EAT EATCHOTHER.

Belated Wedding Post

Ok, I know it happened about 2 weeks ago but that doesn’t mean I can't post about it does it... oh... it does... well I don’t care, I'll do it anyway. Lets go back a ways, to August 16th, we were headed out to the Tux shop to pick up the "Father of the Bride" labeled tux and to do the rehearsal, which was nothing special really, all we did was meet up with friends and family which I don’t really need to explain in very much detail. After the rehearsal we all went back to my trailer park home to decorate the reception hall, well at least the girls did, the guys had a bachelor party, all the guys but me, I was too young, so I was put on "unofficial" child care watching my 4 and 7 year old nephews Brendon and Connor and a 5 year old (I think) girl named Vanessa. Ok, so it was fun at first running after the Ping Pong ball every 13 seconds, but after a while it gets a little old. After they decided Ping Pong, Pool, Foose Ball, and puzzles were boring Vanessa and Brendon decided it would be fun to hit me with the paddles which was ok at first until they decided to hold nothing back and go ape on my ass as best as children could. I of course at this point it was getting sort of annoyed so I told them to stop and Brendon did immediately, but as luck would have it, of course, Vanessa didn't. After I told her about 20 times she finally decided to stop just as I lost all energy. I sat and gathered my breath, as I was breathing little Vanessa walked up to me and asked very nicely if she could please hit me with the paddle, I replied with a laughing "no," BIG MISTAKE! she reached back and with all her might swung her paddle and struck my knee right on that spot where it just hurts like hell, (the place where doctors hit you to check your reflexes) the restraint it took to keep from screaming every horrible word I could think of at her wes enormous, but knowing she was only a little kid I let go with only a very stern "Never do that again! that really hurt!". After that little incident it was basicly all down hill except for the times she made Brendon cry by messing up his games.
The next day was much better, I woke up and my knee was almost healed enough to where I could walk normally... but not quite. After playing a few video games with Brendon we set off to the chapel thingy where my sister was to have her wedding, and for just a normal wedding it was pretty fun, but it was the reception that was the best, (of course) and I am proud to admit I was part of the sober minority. There’s something about seeing moronic looking dancing drunks that makes me smile, but mostly, there’s something about seeing moronic looking dancing drunks giving lap dances that makes me smile even bigger. Of course I did my share of stupid looking dancing, but its ok, because I did it on purpose.
The next day we had an awesome Bar-B-Q with my family and my new in-laws, which as I stated in the line above was awesome. The day after that I set out to my older brothers house to help them move... or at least that’s what I said to get to go, I really did it to escape going to a health food seminar in Dallas with my parents, but i think everyone knew that. Aside from the boring 3 hour trip it was all really fun, especially the part of staying up late playing up video games... not that I don’t already do that... but I had never beaten these. (warning: nerdy video game stuf) The first game I beat was a really cool game called Shadow of the Colossus, it sounds really stupid when explaining it to other people because throughout the whole game you just fight 16 guys... but what fights they were, each one is at least 300 feet tall usually. Basically all you do is kill giant monsters via climbing the fur on their bodies if giant minator looking things or the wings of 2000 foot long sand swimming\ flying dragons. Next game on the list is Lego Star Wars, which I played almost everyday with Brendon, and yes I did ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU CAN DO. Next there is crimson skies, a fun dogfighting game where you... dogfight... yeah, and I beat Halo 2, that’s all. Don’t only think that all I did at my brothers house was play video games though, no, I did much more, such as, watch movies, stay sober at a Boggle party, make jokes with and about my brothers, eat out, actually help move, and much more. Anyway, I just got back today and I'm bored... umm... The End


Thought of the Day: I DO NOT HAVE OCD! I just don't like unsequential baby cribs.

I'll Be Back

I'll post in a week or somthing, I don't like this keyboard much.


Thought of the day: All hail lord Thyme, king of spice.

Impossible Task

Explain "Blue" to a blind man.


Thought of the day: I think that instead of Ink for an Ink blot test they should use lizards, because when you stack four of them up its kinda hard to tell what they are to.

Beachin' and Birthdays pt2

Well this is a follow up post on everything Birthdays, beaches and Alabama, and I've got lots of pictures like this one, its the Class Clown, now advertising... ... Now performing. Yeah anyway that wasn't a birthday gift because I bought it but this was... ... Its the most "Awsomest" "Splendifforus" "superfrnoricladiclysplendocrocriffic" Mp3 Player and I have already wasted almost 2 batteries on the 149 (soon to be many more) songs I have downloaded, the bad thing is I knew I was gonna get it so there was no surprise. I knew for sure when my mom and dad were arguing about wither I should help pay for it or not, but of course my dad won saying "it's his Frigen' birthday gift he shouldn't have to pay for it" I was just laughing the whole time, it was hilarious. Next up we have the last time I will (probably) visit this beach any time soon. First up we have me feeding the seagulls. And then we have Dad thinking he can talk to them, and that by telling them "there's no more doritos" that they will some how listen, thank him, and politely leave. Ok there's a great story behind these next pictures, some "Evil" dudes came up to me and buried my head in the sand, then they went for my sister... ...and Buried her in the sand... ... And the whole time "Jocko" the giant happy man I made was laughing at me, but once I got to know him he turned out to be really cool. But alas, it will all end soon (which definitely isn't bad) soon we will leave Alabama and enter again into Texas, and the defining characteristics of Alabama will be over, such as, Dad coming home from work and comically bitching about "sheetrock hell", or Gabe/ Brian/ Uncle Antichrist/ Dads work buddy coming over almost everyday to borrow a movie and make a few pretty funny jokes a my Moms expense which she never gets until I tell her he's joking. Also we wont be living next to the old bastard next door anymore (Nashville knows who I'm talking about) *thinking aloud* it takes 2 minutes to drive 20 feet. Anyway it will all be over, some good, some bad, but, I think this post deserves a special closing comment, goodbye Alabama, you will be missed a HELL OF A LOT more then Arizona.


Thought of the day: Black lights make me sad, because me teeth don't shine like everyone else's *sob*

Birthday Time

Well from looking at my computer's built in clock I can see that it is exactly 18 minutes till my birthday, that mean in... 17 minutes now I will be 15 and to tell you the truth I feel no older. So this is your chance everyone, if you’re a family member, friend, secret admirer, or just a fan this is the chance that you get only once a year on August 6th, you can do anything you like, send a gift, money, a birthday card, or you can simply leave a comment saying "Happy Birthday Class Clown you mighty god of humor." All proud remarks aside the real reason I want people to say what I just told you to say is because I want to know how many people really read my blog, so I hope to see many comments from my many readers on this post.
You know what’s weird and a little off topic, every birthday everyone asks you "so do you fell any older".... what kind of stupid question is that anyway, do you wake up every day "wow I feel older today" I don’t know about you but I think that next to "what the hell happened to the moon" that has to be one of the stupidest things you can say. Back on topic, it's exactly midnight now so I'm signing off saying happy birthday me, I feel so much older.


Thought of the day: My milk shake brings all the badgers to the yard and their like "this isn’t milk its mayonnaise".

Boobies

Ok, after reading the about the subject older sister A wrote about in her blog I started thinking, then after reading a post about the same thing by older sister B I decided to post something about it on me own. Ok I'll start with my opening statement... I think boobs are great, and I also thing that everyone should be able to enjoy them including babies and men (or women if you prefer) of all ages, they should all be able to enjoy to a certian extent, the splendor of that which is boob. It also sickens me to think that people would actually send in complaints of seeing a side boob shot on the cover of a magazine, I mean why waste you time writing and sending an opinion that is... unnatural, for lack of a better word, wait, scratch that I found a better word, a stupid opinion that I hate. If you really have to be self righteous why not just go all out and say I'm better then you. Also I think the lady who didn't want her 13 year old son to see it should die, and I pitty the poor child who has to steal playboys because his mom wont let him read the frickin' BABY TALK MAGAZINE! Anyway that’s my philosophy, it probably made no sense to you because they usually only ever make sense to me, but I thought you might want to hear it anyway. So lets review what we have learned today.

Boobies good

Self righteous people bad

Stupid old lady who didnt let her son see it also bad.

I cant make it any simpler

Thought of the day: Only you can prevent forest fires, which means I can't, and that makes me sad.